the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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