just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
