You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize