I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
