someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
