I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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