Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
