Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
