Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
