so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
