people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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