I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
