i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
