Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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