Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
