I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
