And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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