Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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