I wish I could punch you in the face.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize