i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
