i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
