found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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