I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
