I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
