never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize