Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
