4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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