I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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