so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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