i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize