Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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