The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
