I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
