The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
