we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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