I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
