I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
