So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
