Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
