You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
