Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
