spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
