So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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