this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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