JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize