ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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