I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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