Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
