We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just pee around me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
