I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
