you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
