i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
