if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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