that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
