I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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