Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is my gift to your gina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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