meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
