There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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