she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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