No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
