Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
