my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
