rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
