Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
