Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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