the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
