I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize