Already got asked if we're dating
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
