wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
