I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
