just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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