I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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