She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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