Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize