i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize