everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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