Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
