While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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