Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize