he shaved USA in his pubs
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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